Ultra sound video

Well since the video is too large for me to forward around to people who might want to see i will try and post it here

Who says ice hockey is only for winter?

I know you've heard this before but really it is soooo much fun to play. I took a day off work on Tuesday and headed to a town called Slany (translation = Salty) to play hockey with the airline mechanics from Czech Airlines. They get all angry when i call them mechanics instead of aeronautical engineers but i call a spade a spade.

Lets me assure you there is a significant difference between 5 on 5 hockey on a full size rink and the tiny rink i usually play on. After going one end to another 4 times you are buggered and HAVE to sub off.

The mate i played with, lets call him Greg, is a terrible skater but after 20 years of field hockey experience he had great stick skills. If we could combine my skating and his stick skills be would be 1/2 OK. But as it stands we were rubbish.

After 1.5 hours of hockey you're totally stuffed and ready to get off the ice. We had a great time

The tourist are here, its time to make some money

This was what I experienced on the weekend when I took a friend to a favored drinking hole last Friday. My friend, lets call him Tom, made the journey with a few friends to Prague and I agreed to meet up and have a quiet beer. I took him to a nice beer hall near the tourist centre of town and we all sat down for a beer and a meal.

We enjoyed a nice meal and experienced the standard Czech Republic non existent service. When we asked for the bill the waiter came over and explained the total food and beer cost 1,800 ck (about $20 each for a meal and beers) and then he told us we HAD to pay him 300ck on top for his service.

Obviously this guy did not realise I am a 'local' (perhaps 'resident' is a better word) because I quickly explained when he left that this is not standard and under no circumstances do you have to pay a tip if you're not happy with the service (what service?). If the guy had shut up and just given us the bill we would have left 2000ck as it’s a nice easy round number, but because he demanded we decided this guy can get stuffed so we left 100ck. We then got treated to a magnificent performance as he came over and counted the cash in front of us and then started BEGGING for more money.

"PLEASE PLEASE I MUST HAVE MORE, OH PLEASE. OH THE HUMANITY!!! HOW WILL I LIVE"

I was outraged and we asked him to explain the situation? Does he get no wage or what? He refused to answer and said don't worry about it then.

So it made me wonder, how could this guy embarrass himself like that so publicly? Then it clicked! Light bulb! He assumes we were tourists and he'd never see us again so he didn't care and if it works on 1/2 the tables then he ends up with a very comfortable living in Prague. After this moment of insight, I had conflicting thoughts.

1. This man is an entrepreneur and making the most of the situation granted to him

2. What a dickhead, and if my glass wasn't full of precious beer I would have thrown it at him (mmmmmm precious beer)

Enough of that. Since then I have told all my Czech friends about this (yep both of them) and they were all outraged and embarrassed that this happened in their town.

Moral: None but just be careful of dickheads trying to fleece you in tourist hubs

Simply the Best

For Milada's (mother in laws) birthday we bought her a ticket to go and see Tina Turner in Prague. Obviously we bought tickets for ourselves while we were at it. So last Monday was concert night and she was amazing. Maybe the best concert I have ever been too, maybe!. She still had a booming voice and all her trademark little dances and shimmy's. The average age of the people in the audience was about 25-30 and the place was rocking. On top of this she did almost 2.5 hours of performing, broken into 2 hour and a bit sessions with a 1/2 hour break in the middle

What was very interesting about the concert was she made no attempts to speak in Czech, not even a token 'Hello Prague'. I was wondering how this would be received but the crowd understood a lot. What was amusing was that there were normally 2 lots of laughter. The first lot from the people who can understand english (40% of the crowd) and then a smaller laugh from those who had it translated to them by friends and family.

We had a great time and It amazing the crowd pulling power a 70 year old lady can have. Super stuff and we all had a great time except for Tonda who found the seats very uncomfortable to sleep in

ITS GOING TO BE A GIRL

So we had our ultra sound the other day and have found out that the little menace currently growing in Michaela's belly is a girl. I was soooo angry when Michaela told me because (wait for it) I have deliberately learnt the czech word for daughter (dcera) and son (syn) as well as man (muz) and woman (zena). But then the gynacologist used 'holka'. Buggered if i knew what that was GRRRRRRR. Turns out holka means girl.

So apart from my mild aggravation of not understanding the 'Czech only' speaking doctor we are thrilled. I went to work and at lunch i went to a toy store to check out the female part of the toy store. I always go and check out the boy part of the toy stores, not because i want a boy, but because i wonder what cool toys there are for me to play with. Man those new transformer toys looks like fun. I wonder what Michaela would think if she found a couple of them stuffed under my half of the bed???????????? That would be an interesting survey into female responses
Anyway, after some research, i was blown away to discover that 'My Little Pony' seems to be hugely popular over here. I swear my sister had these when i was 4 (now 28 in case you weren't sure). Surely they have not made a come back! But then i realised if flares, mullet hairstyles and transformers can come back then why can't a small plastic purple pony?????.

After that i went to the firearm store to learn about the Czech regulations in respect to me owning a BIG FU*K OFF ASSAULT WEAPON to keep teenage boys away from my house (when the time comes). Let me assure you it's easier to get your hands on a kalashnakov in this country then it is in Australia.

No w we need a name, let me assure you there is no way I can accept a Czech name like Bohumira. That just wouldn't be good enough. But how about Jordan Investi Gates????? HAHAHAHA There is so much fun to be had with my last name. So many laughs!!!!!!!
By the way the Oven and the bun are both doing well

Until next time

Czech Hockey Final Series Ticket

Well as you may have discovered with some of my posts. I have good Czech Republic days and BAD Czech Republic days.

Well today i am pleased to say I am having a great Czech Republic day. Today I bought 5 tickets, for me and 4 friends, to go and see the 3rd game (first home game) of the Czech Extraliga Final Series between my local team Slavia Praha and Karlovy Vary. The price was $80 AUD for the 5. Thats makes $16 a ticket with my maths and I reckon thats a bargain.

Sure it costs $1,000,000 and my left testicle to fish in this country but the hockey games are reasonably priced :D

Wohoo can't wait

The Pig Kill

OK Guys here it is. Sorry for the delay but I have realised that this will have to be a multipart thread. I haven’t written too much as I was planning for it to be more of an pictorial then written text. PLEASE CHECK YOUR HAPPY WITH THE CONTENT BEFORE LETTING YOUR KIDS SEE THIS

WELL WHAT AN EXPERIENCE
I have seen animals killed for fun or for veterinary reasons but this was the first real time I had seen an animal ‘butchered’ that wasn’t a fish. How can I start? How about ‘It was a nice cold December morning and I was struggling with a head cold’.

We started at about 8am with Tonda (father in law - FIL), Tonda (grand father in law - GFIL) and Jindra (Uncle in law - UIL). Tonda (brother in law) was suspiciously absent from proceedings as he doesn’t quite subscribe to the pig kill philosophy althought he enjoys pork.

I remember thinking “how the hell are we going to kill a 160kg pig?” Fell it was a fairly simple procedure and it was all over very quickly for the pig. A ‘slip knot’ rope was attached over the pigs snout which caused the pig the immediately sit on its haunches like a statue and start squealing like a pig (I now know where this phrase comes from). Tonda (FIL) quickly rushed in while the pig was paralysed by this rope, pressed a bolt gun against the animal’s forehead and flicked the trigger. This caused a 10cm bolt to fire from the end of the gun straight into the pig’s brain. The end result was one dead pig. As I said, it was a very quick and humane process.

Jindra and I then quickly dragged the pig onto the grass and the pig’s throat was stabbed where the vein was and all the blood was drained from the body into a bucket. While this was happening Tonda (GFIL) was stirring the blood with his hand. I am not really sure what this was for but I am guessing to stop the blood from congealing and going solid. It was later used in blood sausages (not my favourite).

Once this was over we covered the pig in sap powder and then started pouring boiling water on it. This softened up the hair and allowed us to shave the animal was fairly crude looking metal cups. It took about 1hr to do this and once we had done the pig the remaining hairs were burnt off with a blow torch so the pig’s skin was smooth like a baby’s bottom.

We then all struggled to hoist the animal up onto a tripod so Tonda (FIL) could start the butchering process. From my view the only part of the pig that was wasted was the hair and the penis. Everything else was used. EVERYTHING

The guts were emptied and used to make sausages and port terrene. The fat was boiled down to make a cooking fat/bread spread. The skins and the other organs all went into the sausage with equal parts of garlic. As a result I can admit the taste was quite nice but I couldn’t get past the fact all the organs, skins and brain was in there so as a result I tried everything but won’t be going back for seconds.

All the offcuts and pieces of fat that missed the sausages and cooking oil went through the grinder to make mince. Its nice mince if you’re ok with mince that’s 50% fat and 50% meat.

The rest of the animals was cut into ribs and fillets and pieces of meat perfect for schnitzel (spelt ‘rizek’ in Czech) and roasts etc. Yum Yum.

I am pleased to admit I was actively involved in the entire process and I think 20 years of killing, bleeding and filleting fish put me in really good stead to handle everything I saw without needing to ‘drive the porcelain bus’ as some of it was pretty gross. Cleaning ‘waste’ out of 40m of animals intestine so you can then refill it with sausage meat to later eat was one memory that certainly sticks out.

I think my favourite part was when we prepared the meat for the smoking and then tasted the reward. I have never had meat STRAIGHT from a smoker but it was absolutely delight ful. Even the fat in the meat was yummy and had a mouth watering smoky taste. Mmmmmm hog fat.

Anyway the entire process took almost 2 days but was quite fun. I will say I needed a weekend to recover when it was all over.