So we had our ultra sound the other day and have found out that the little menace currently growing in Michaela's belly is a girl. I was soooo angry when Michaela told me because (wait for it) I have deliberately learnt the czech word for daughter (dcera) and son (syn) as well as man (muz) and woman (zena). But then the gynacologist used 'holka'. Buggered if i knew what that was GRRRRRRR. Turns out holka means girl.
So apart from my mild aggravation of not understanding the 'Czech only' speaking doctor we are thrilled. I went to work and at lunch i went to a toy store to check out the female part of the toy store. I always go and check out the boy part of the toy stores, not because i want a boy, but because i wonder what cool toys there are for me to play with. Man those new transformer toys looks like fun. I wonder what Michaela would think if she found a couple of them stuffed under my half of the bed???????????? That would be an interesting survey into female responses
Anyway, after some research, i was blown away to discover that 'My Little Pony' seems to be hugely popular over here. I swear my sister had these when i was 4 (now 28 in case you weren't sure). Surely they have not made a come back! But then i realised if flares, mullet hairstyles and transformers can come back then why can't a small plastic purple pony?????.
After that i went to the firearm store to learn about the Czech regulations in respect to me owning a BIG FU*K OFF ASSAULT WEAPON to keep teenage boys away from my house (when the time comes). Let me assure you it's easier to get your hands on a kalashnakov in this country then it is in Australia.
No w we need a name, let me assure you there is no way I can accept a Czech name like Bohumira. That just wouldn't be good enough. But how about Jordan Investi Gates????? HAHAHAHA There is so much fun to be had with my last name. So many laughs!!!!!!!
By the way the Oven and the bun are both doing well
Until next time
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Czech Hockey Final Series Ticket
Well as you may have discovered with some of my posts. I have good Czech Republic days and BAD Czech Republic days.
Well today i am pleased to say I am having a great Czech Republic day. Today I bought 5 tickets, for me and 4 friends, to go and see the 3rd game (first home game) of the Czech Extraliga Final Series between my local team Slavia Praha and Karlovy Vary. The price was $80 AUD for the 5. Thats makes $16 a ticket with my maths and I reckon thats a bargain.
Sure it costs $1,000,000 and my left testicle to fish in this country but the hockey games are reasonably priced :D
Wohoo can't wait
Well today i am pleased to say I am having a great Czech Republic day. Today I bought 5 tickets, for me and 4 friends, to go and see the 3rd game (first home game) of the Czech Extraliga Final Series between my local team Slavia Praha and Karlovy Vary. The price was $80 AUD for the 5. Thats makes $16 a ticket with my maths and I reckon thats a bargain.
Sure it costs $1,000,000 and my left testicle to fish in this country but the hockey games are reasonably priced :D
Wohoo can't wait
The Pig Kill
OK Guys here it is. Sorry for the delay but I have realised that this will have to be a multipart thread. I haven’t written too much as I was planning for it to be more of an pictorial then written text. PLEASE CHECK YOUR HAPPY WITH THE CONTENT BEFORE LETTING YOUR KIDS SEE THIS
WELL WHAT AN EXPERIENCE
I have seen animals killed for fun or for veterinary reasons but this was the first real time I had seen an animal ‘butchered’ that wasn’t a fish. How can I start? How about ‘It was a nice cold December morning and I was struggling with a head cold’.
We started at about 8am with Tonda (father in law - FIL), Tonda (grand father in law - GFIL) and Jindra (Uncle in law - UIL). Tonda (brother in law) was suspiciously absent from proceedings as he doesn’t quite subscribe to the pig kill philosophy althought he enjoys pork.
I remember thinking “how the hell are we going to kill a 160kg pig?” Fell it was a fairly simple procedure and it was all over very quickly for the pig. A ‘slip knot’ rope was attached over the pigs snout which caused the pig the immediately sit on its haunches like a statue and start squealing like a pig (I now know where this phrase comes from).
Tonda (FIL) quickly rushed in while the pig was paralysed by this rope, pressed a bolt gun against the animal’s forehead and flicked the trigger. This caused a 10cm bolt to fire from the end of the gun straight into the pig’s brain. The end result was one dead pig. As I said, it was a very quick and humane process. 
Jindra and I then quickly dragged the pig onto the grass and the pig’s throat was stabbed where the vein was and all the blood was drained from the body into a bucket. While this was happening Tonda (GFIL) was stirring the blood with his hand.
I am not really sure what this was for but I am guessing to stop the blood from congealing and going solid. It was later used in blood sausages (not my favourite).
Once this was over we covered the pig in sap powder and then started pouring boiling water on it. This softened up the hair and allowed us to shave the animal was fairly crude looking metal cups. It took about 1hr to do this and once we had done the pig the remaining hairs were burnt off with a blow torch so the pig’s skin was smooth like a baby’s bottom.
We then all struggled to hoist the animal up onto a tripod so Tonda (FIL) could start the butchering process. From my view the only part of the pig that was wasted was the hair and the penis. Everything else was used. EVERYTHING
The guts were emptied and used to make sausages and port terrene. The fat was boiled down to make a cooking fat/bread spread.
The skins and the other organs all went into the sausage with equal parts of garlic. As a result I can admit the taste was quite nice but I couldn’t get past the fact all the organs, skins and brain was in there so as a result I tried everything but won’t be going back for seconds. 
All the offcuts and pieces of fat that missed the sausages and cooking oil went through the grinder to make mince. Its nice mince if you’re ok with mince that’s 50% fat and 50% meat.
The rest of the animals was cut into ribs and fillets and pieces of meat perfect for schnitzel (spelt ‘rizek’ in Czech) and roasts etc. Yum Yum.
I am pleased to admit I was actively involved in the entire process and I think 20 years of killing, bleeding and filleting fish put me in really good stead to handle everything I saw without needing to ‘drive the porcelain bus’ as some of it was pretty gross. Cleaning ‘waste’ out of 40m of animals intestine so you can then refill it with sausage meat to later eat was one memory that certainly sticks out.
I think my favourite part was when we prepared the meat for the smoking and then tasted the reward. I have never had meat STRAIGHT from a smoker but it was absolutely delight ful. Even the fat in the meat was yummy and had a mouth watering smoky taste. Mmmmmm hog fat.
Anyway the entire process took almost 2 days but was quite fun. I will say I needed a weekend to recover when it was all over.
WELL WHAT AN EXPERIENCE
I have seen animals killed for fun or for veterinary reasons but this was the first real time I had seen an animal ‘butchered’ that wasn’t a fish. How can I start? How about ‘It was a nice cold December morning and I was struggling with a head cold’.
We started at about 8am with Tonda (father in law - FIL), Tonda (grand father in law - GFIL) and Jindra (Uncle in law - UIL). Tonda (brother in law) was suspiciously absent from proceedings as he doesn’t quite subscribe to the pig kill philosophy althought he enjoys pork.
I remember thinking “how the hell are we going to kill a 160kg pig?” Fell it was a fairly simple procedure and it was all over very quickly for the pig. A ‘slip knot’ rope was attached over the pigs snout which caused the pig the immediately sit on its haunches like a statue and start squealing like a pig (I now know where this phrase comes from).
Tonda (FIL) quickly rushed in while the pig was paralysed by this rope, pressed a bolt gun against the animal’s forehead and flicked the trigger. This caused a 10cm bolt to fire from the end of the gun straight into the pig’s brain. The end result was one dead pig. As I said, it was a very quick and humane process. Jindra and I then quickly dragged the pig onto the grass and the pig’s throat was stabbed where the vein was and all the blood was drained from the body into a bucket. While this was happening Tonda (GFIL) was stirring the blood with his hand.
I am not really sure what this was for but I am guessing to stop the blood from congealing and going solid. It was later used in blood sausages (not my favourite).Once this was over we covered the pig in sap powder and then started pouring boiling water on it. This softened up the hair and allowed us to shave the animal was fairly crude looking metal cups. It took about 1hr to do this and once we had done the pig the remaining hairs were burnt off with a blow torch so the pig’s skin was smooth like a baby’s bottom.
We then all struggled to hoist the animal up onto a tripod so Tonda (FIL) could start the butchering process. From my view the only part of the pig that was wasted was the hair and the penis. Everything else was used. EVERYTHING
The guts were emptied and used to make sausages and port terrene. The fat was boiled down to make a cooking fat/bread spread.
The skins and the other organs all went into the sausage with equal parts of garlic. As a result I can admit the taste was quite nice but I couldn’t get past the fact all the organs, skins and brain was in there so as a result I tried everything but won’t be going back for seconds. All the offcuts and pieces of fat that missed the sausages and cooking oil went through the grinder to make mince. Its nice mince if you’re ok with mince that’s 50% fat and 50% meat.
The rest of the animals was cut into ribs and fillets and pieces of meat perfect for schnitzel (spelt ‘rizek’ in Czech) and roasts etc. Yum Yum.
I am pleased to admit I was actively involved in the entire process and I think 20 years of killing, bleeding and filleting fish put me in really good stead to handle everything I saw without needing to ‘drive the porcelain bus’ as some of it was pretty gross. Cleaning ‘waste’ out of 40m of animals intestine so you can then refill it with sausage meat to later eat was one memory that certainly sticks out.
I think my favourite part was when we prepared the meat for the smoking and then tasted the reward. I have never had meat STRAIGHT from a smoker but it was absolutely delight ful. Even the fat in the meat was yummy and had a mouth watering smoky taste. Mmmmmm hog fat.
Anyway the entire process took almost 2 days but was quite fun. I will say I needed a weekend to recover when it was all over.
Friday, March 27, 2009
My progress with the Czech language
WHAT PROGRESS?????? - hahaha
No seriously it's taking a very long time but it is amazing how I gradually find myself understanding more than the ZERO I previously understood and am slowly starting to be able to have conversations with people. Sure, I am not solving the world’s problems or discussing the pros and cons of the communist system but I am starting to be able to converse about small matters. On top of this my cases and tenses are all wrong and I am referring to men as women and women as men but these are small inconsequential nuances (well at least until I do it to a 150kg strongman) and people can understand what I am saying despite these cock ups.
Sure sometimes I get it wrong and the entire discussion dies or what I say has a totally different meaning to what I expected but 'shit happens'. E.g.: Turat and Turak sound the same but one means 'to urinate' and the other means 'man cxxx' (the most offensive word you can say in the Czech language, obviously the masculine version). I will not tell you which is which as it has caused me some difficulty in the past.
The most important tool to conversing in a different language is called ALCOHOL. I had never had a conversation with Michaela's dad but that all changed last weekend at the mother-in-laws b'day with the help of 1L of Czech rum. He and I were in the kitchen by ourselves and when he started talking to me. I listened and then started laughing at all the right places (he told me this was the first time in 40 year he had drunk rum because of a bad experience yada yada yada). Michaela came rushing in to see if I needed help but I told her what I understood and she asked her dad and I was 100% right (praise alcohol). She then left us alone and we continued our 'man chat' LOL.
No seriously it's taking a very long time but it is amazing how I gradually find myself understanding more than the ZERO I previously understood and am slowly starting to be able to have conversations with people. Sure, I am not solving the world’s problems or discussing the pros and cons of the communist system but I am starting to be able to converse about small matters. On top of this my cases and tenses are all wrong and I am referring to men as women and women as men but these are small inconsequential nuances (well at least until I do it to a 150kg strongman) and people can understand what I am saying despite these cock ups.
Sure sometimes I get it wrong and the entire discussion dies or what I say has a totally different meaning to what I expected but 'shit happens'. E.g.: Turat and Turak sound the same but one means 'to urinate' and the other means 'man cxxx' (the most offensive word you can say in the Czech language, obviously the masculine version). I will not tell you which is which as it has caused me some difficulty in the past.
The most important tool to conversing in a different language is called ALCOHOL. I had never had a conversation with Michaela's dad but that all changed last weekend at the mother-in-laws b'day with the help of 1L of Czech rum. He and I were in the kitchen by ourselves and when he started talking to me. I listened and then started laughing at all the right places (he told me this was the first time in 40 year he had drunk rum because of a bad experience yada yada yada). Michaela came rushing in to see if I needed help but I told her what I understood and she asked her dad and I was 100% right (praise alcohol). She then left us alone and we continued our 'man chat' LOL.
Me and the father in law
Me and the father in law and the brother in law
Drunk father in law and drunk grand father in law
At the end of the night, after my pregnant wife and DRUNKEN father in law had passed out and the other 10 guests had left I was alone with the mother in law. We stayed up till almost 3am in the morning chatting about small stuff but the next day Michaela reported that my language abilities appeared to have developed significantly. I answered certainly not without the assistance of alcohol. The good news is that the 1/2 litre of rum seemed to hit the father in law significantly more then me. He was in a bad way, but perhaps I have more practice :D
The evidence the next morning
Anyway I am now having lessons and I think they are working (slowly) in helping me understand stuff.
Having said all of the above it is nice to sometimes not know what is going on. For instance when the mother in law is nagging Michaela or my father in law sometimes ignorance is bliss
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Really pissed off
Well after doing heaps of research about the fishing opportunities in the Czech Republic I thought I had my game plan sussed for the up coming summer that was until I saw the price. To get the license it costs $100 bucks for one year which I thought was a bit steep ($75 for 3 years in NSW in Australia) but then for me to get a permit to fish in specific lakes I need to cough up another $200 bucks per lake (or something stupid like that)
I figure this Czech fishing can go and 'blow it out its arse'. WHAT A RIP OFF. I asked a colleague who I was going to fish with about the price and he said it’s because your allowed to keep 30kg of CRAP (oops I mean Carp) a year.
So my issues are
1. $100 for a license for one year
2. $200 bucks to fish in the pond/lake for 1 year (well really 6 mths as its FRIKKEN frozen for the other 6 mths)
3. They tell me I can only keep 30kg a year - Who the PHUQ would want to eat carp any way
4. There is no discount if you only want to C&R (catch and release)
So considering the difficulty and price ($300 is about 70% of annual pre tax wage hahaha) I reckon I might politely pass on the Czech fishing scene and just keep reading every report I can from my kayak fishing friends in Australia where they can at least catch a fish that has a meat : mud ratio better the 1:1
I am soooooo MAAAAAAAAAD.
Oh and in answer to the question "Who the PHUQ would want to eat carp anyway?” The answer everyone as the bloody stuff is sold in the supermarkets everywhere. Whole Carp, Carp chunks and Carp fillets (there’s an oxymoron for you).
I am sure I will calm down but right now I am really annoyed and having fishing withdrawal symptoms (sigh)
Until next time
Gatesy
I figure this Czech fishing can go and 'blow it out its arse'. WHAT A RIP OFF. I asked a colleague who I was going to fish with about the price and he said it’s because your allowed to keep 30kg of CRAP (oops I mean Carp) a year.
So my issues are
1. $100 for a license for one year
2. $200 bucks to fish in the pond/lake for 1 year (well really 6 mths as its FRIKKEN frozen for the other 6 mths)
3. They tell me I can only keep 30kg a year - Who the PHUQ would want to eat carp any way
4. There is no discount if you only want to C&R (catch and release)
So considering the difficulty and price ($300 is about 70% of annual pre tax wage hahaha) I reckon I might politely pass on the Czech fishing scene and just keep reading every report I can from my kayak fishing friends in Australia where they can at least catch a fish that has a meat : mud ratio better the 1:1
I am soooooo MAAAAAAAAAD.
Oh and in answer to the question "Who the PHUQ would want to eat carp anyway?” The answer everyone as the bloody stuff is sold in the supermarkets everywhere. Whole Carp, Carp chunks and Carp fillets (there’s an oxymoron for you).
I am sure I will calm down but right now I am really annoyed and having fishing withdrawal symptoms (sigh)
Until next time
Gatesy
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Czech Radio
Hey guys
I encountered something the other day that had me really quite amused. There is a lot of english music played over here which makes sense but the language barrier means there are some subtle differences. For instance swear words are not 'BLEEPED OUT' like they are in Australia on commercial radio. This means that songs with the 'F' and 'C' words are played in their ENTIRITY.
I encountered this when i was driving the car and a song by 'The Darkness' starts playing and then all of a sudden the chorus starts 'Get your hands off of my woman, mother f***er'. I nearly crashed the car i was laughing so hard. So i went to work to chat about it to the other aussies. One bloke, Justin who has a French wife and young son, said they were in a toy store when a song by Eamon came on. the chorus for this song goes like this
F*** what I said it dont mean shit now
F*** the presents might as well throw em out
F*** all those kisses, they didn't mean jack
F*** you, you hoe, I dont want you back
He was amazed and turned to his wife and expressed his comcern about this song being played in a toy store only for his wife to turn around as say 'I love this song' as she was singing along with their child in his pram LOL
Arh ignorance if bliss
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
A change of perspectives and attitude
When I was younger, single and 6ft tall 'n' bullet proof I used to quite enjoy adrenalin scenarios but its amazing how perspectives and attitudes can change after a significant event.
The significant moment responsible for the change was when my lovely wife told me we were expecting our first child (still not sure how it happened hahahaha). Well to say a lot of things changed would be an understatement and my reaction to certain scenarios has changed with this news.
For instance the other night we went to dinner and caught a movie but on the way home 2 spaced out kids (maybe 18 years old) thought it would be a good idea to prepare their heroin fix on the crowded metro. SERIOUSLY WTF!!!!! Anyway the point is my normal reaction would have been to give them a mouth full of expletives. I was thinking something like "GET THE F*** OFF THIS TRAIN". But instead I grabbed my pregnant wife and moved her further up the carriage away from these 2 idiots. I wasn't the only person to see the syringe; spoon and cigarette lighter come out either as there was a small exodus towards the front.
The other massive area of change is PEDESTRIAN CROSSINGS! I used to love to just walk out and watch the approaching car slam on its brakes when the driver finally realised there was a pedestrian there always thinking I’d be fast enough to avoid the car. My attitude has changed there as well and I now wait either for no cars or for the approaching car to see me and stop. The fact that pedestrian crossing are nearly impossible to see in this country and that a hard braking car and ICE is not a recipe for rapid deceleration MAY have helped but I am blaming it on the expected little one.
No pictures this time as I didn't think the heroin junkies would like some stranger filming there illegal activity (even more evidence of my changing attitude :D)
The significant moment responsible for the change was when my lovely wife told me we were expecting our first child (still not sure how it happened hahahaha). Well to say a lot of things changed would be an understatement and my reaction to certain scenarios has changed with this news.
For instance the other night we went to dinner and caught a movie but on the way home 2 spaced out kids (maybe 18 years old) thought it would be a good idea to prepare their heroin fix on the crowded metro. SERIOUSLY WTF!!!!! Anyway the point is my normal reaction would have been to give them a mouth full of expletives. I was thinking something like "GET THE F*** OFF THIS TRAIN". But instead I grabbed my pregnant wife and moved her further up the carriage away from these 2 idiots. I wasn't the only person to see the syringe; spoon and cigarette lighter come out either as there was a small exodus towards the front.
The other massive area of change is PEDESTRIAN CROSSINGS! I used to love to just walk out and watch the approaching car slam on its brakes when the driver finally realised there was a pedestrian there always thinking I’d be fast enough to avoid the car. My attitude has changed there as well and I now wait either for no cars or for the approaching car to see me and stop. The fact that pedestrian crossing are nearly impossible to see in this country and that a hard braking car and ICE is not a recipe for rapid deceleration MAY have helped but I am blaming it on the expected little one.
No pictures this time as I didn't think the heroin junkies would like some stranger filming there illegal activity (even more evidence of my changing attitude :D)
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